He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
