I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
