Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
