Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
