Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
