we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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