Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
