I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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