i think my tv is drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
