Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
