New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
