u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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