Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
