I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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