If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
