Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
