I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
