I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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