i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
