So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
