so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
