i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
