Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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