I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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