Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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