I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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