Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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