we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
