Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
