rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
