addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
