the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
