I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
