So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
