i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
