things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
