this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
