he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i barfeds in our rink
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
