i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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