Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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