oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
