Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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