so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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