Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
