What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
