he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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