I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
