She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The power of my boobs compel you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
