I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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