You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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