I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
